It’s always handy to know a top, German surgeon, and an equally beautiful German, top surgeon, surgeon’s wife – especially when you’re throwing a Thai dinner party and you need something rather unsavoury cut away from the lower part of your leg!

It gives one a chance to  show off one’s more exotic knife skills  – whilst they perform theirs – without anaesthetic !

After the starter, the cutlery was almost cleared, and I was sitting in the kitchen like an extra from M.A.S.H.

Minus the Hollywood lighting.

At one moment , under our harsh kitchen ambience, I nearly went under, until I heard the Tuetonic comforting words of,

’In the hospital, normally –  this takes one minute.  Here, in this kitchen, with these tools – a lifetime!’

As the massamum curry was bubbling away on the stove, I had a strange recollection of being on the ‘Victory’ mid-battle – below decks !!!

Kiss me Andrew!

It was a most unusual experience.

One not to be repeated soon, not without something to dull the senses!
Heroin perhaps!

But I must thank my beautifully sharp and very kind medical pals for helping me out   –     between helpings!

The pork loin with chilli and holy basil, (home-grown), went down as well as it could have, given the post- op scenario.

The massamam was in the dark so no-one could discern it’s contents.

But the green curry was hardly touched. Thanks mainly, I’m sure, to the Florence Nightingale drama that had unfolded in the kitchen a few minutes earlier.

‘It’s much deeper than they thought’, whispered our friend Stella, audibly, as I sat in the chair mid-scalpel!

After acquiring a pair of tweezers from our harmful neighbours across the road,  (‘Make sure you sterilise them Andrew!’ said Terri sternly. The mind boggles!),  We were able to continue with the operation!

Apparently, I was very brave.

Which I put down to the four vodkas and the four courses I had on the go at the time!

No-one wants to pass out when there’s the port still to pass out!

Still, I felt a discolouration in the visage area, which I attempted to colour, so as not to alarm
my guests. But I must say,  I was most pleased when I had been exorcised – or excised, I can never remember.

The rest of the evening went without any patients needed.

In any way.

We spoke, we dissected, we ate. The operation went well.

But as my shin began to throb beneath the table, after the  badness that had been cut away began to make it’s absence felt – I made it a promise to myself …..

Even when in social mood – no more ‘shindigs’ like this!