Why Can’t We All Just Roger More?

There is something so comfortable about India, a country where the rules can still be bent, even if the people can’t! What a beautiful spot we’ve happened upon. I sound like an Alan Bennet play! But Udaipur, the ‘Lake City’ of ravishing Rajasthan, has not let us down. What a wonderful place to roll up to with a picnic basket, a couple of blankets, and a bottle of ‘Royal Stag’. An Indian ‘Scotch’, neither regal nor Scottish. The only stag around when this is going down, is a ‘stag night’! […]

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Little Vikram And The Missing Tiger.

Our hotel in Jaipur has not quite lived up to the picture created in the hit film ‘The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel’. It’s been more like ‘The Quite Nice Carnation Guest House’ – but we’ve loved it. The staff at the establishment, just outside of the Pink City’s walls, have been charming, if not a little perplexed. For instance it has been practically impossible to order food, as the English menu seems to be beyond the poor chaps, even when one is using the Hindi words. Of course, it could […]

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The Lola Boys And The Mystery Of The Fake Fakir!

We set off far too early into the pink morning of Jaipur, with Aslan, our trusty tuk-tuk driver, who Andrew had prematurely hired the previous evening, after meeting him at a local beer shop. It transpired Aslan was not as trusty as we’d hoped, when our first stop turned out to be his textile shop on the edge of town. After many attempts to stitch us up with overpriced garments, we eventually set out for our ‘city-tour’! Within five minutes we made our first stop, picking up an impossibly chirpy […]

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Goodness Gracious Me!

We leave Bombay with heavy hearts, yet lighter wallets! The price of beer, which, sadly, is how we usually gauge the cost of living on our travels, is remarkably high. A weekly wage to some of the city’s inhabitants. That is, the lucky ones who have a wage. This hasn’t stopped us from guiltily imbibing, as we’ve sometimes needed a little spirit to lift our own. Whilst driving through the ‘Park Lane’ of the city, our delightful, yet ultimately dishonest, Uber taxi driver pointed out the house of the richest […]

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Bombay Dreams And Nightmares!

After a delay of over an hour and another nine sitting next to the portaloo on our British Airways flight to Mumbai, we had started to doubt if they really were ‘the world’s favourite’! There are only so many times one can be tangled in a Cif-scented sari before the experience begins to pall! The large Bloody Marys we’d imbibed in the airlines’posh Heathrow lounge certainly took the edge off. This, courtesy of a lovely friend who toils tirelessly on behalf of B.A. They may not be our favourite company, […]

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Steady On Mr Editor !

Andrew and I have never been the type of couple to hold hands in public, preferring instead to showcase our relationship in a lewd, camp, musical cabaret whenever we are paid to do so ! We wear our hearts on our mics rather than our sleeves. However, were we able to complete a pert pike into a very tight tuck and still come up for air, we would doubtless have behaved just as Britain’s young Olympic diving champions did this week. Criticised by a lurid British tabloid for not showing […]

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Thighs Down !

I learnt yesterday that St Nicholas, as well as knocking out a few pressies, is also the patron saint of children, sailors and prostitutes!  So it really is the season to be jolly. And to sell oneself.  Which is fortunate, as Christmas, for a performer, normally consists of plying one’s trade.  In the past this has usually meant appearing in a rather saccharine family show or slapping a thigh in pantomime. Andrew was Lily Savage’s right hand man on many occasions . They also did panto together! Andrew sporting his winter duvet! […]

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On The Trail Of Ho Chi ‘Mean’ !

A good expedition always requires careful planning – much like sex when one gets to middle age – so I’m told! So with just six weeks to go before Andrew and I pull on our back packs and front out some of the lesser known dives of South East Asia, (both marine and otherwise),  I thought it was time I planned a vague, kind-of, voyage. This route is always used as a guide, never rigid or over-itinerised. That would preclude too many accidents occuring along the way,  most of them happy. […]

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On A Wing And A Prayer.

A private function can be so uncomfortable when one’s privates are functioning! And,  tightly strapped into a pair of PVC hot pants, trapped inside a very small room,  with 29 very close audience members,  glancing, intermittently at one’s member,   it is certainly not the easiest set of circumstances under which to perform ! Nerves can go to one’s nerve ! Less said the better. Now, post our private shows, I sit, hot pants shed,  and recuperate,  as I wait for Andrew to return from his trip down the road, to visit ‘Anna Mae […]

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Under the weather!

Despite Andrew and I sensibly moving our show forward a day to miss an oncoming storm that had widely been predicted, the storm arrived late. Well, the one that was forecast. Another tempest, a mercurial moment that was not on the horizon, made itself felt instead, as temperatures rose sharply during our act and extremely high pressure dominated the scene! Andrew, who had decided to sup as much ale as Oliver Reed on an Irish stag do, decided to ‘tap’ me on the head with the microphone stand, during one […]

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