A Teardrop In The Indian Ocean.

Paul and Andrew had arrived in a country to which they had never been before, a paradisical  place which made them both feel they didn’t want to leave. Her beauty and culture held them spellbound. Her nature kept them entranced. But most of all it was her people which kept them prisoner.  The Lola Boys were now inmates on the Island of Sri Lanka. And willingly so! Surely there was nowhere on earth accommodating such an accommodating population. And Paul and Andrew had been around! The sheer joy which exuded […]

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Barbra The Boa And Other Tales Of Covid.

It had been months since Barbra the boa had last enjoyed a night out. In fact she hadn’t been given an airing from her carrier bag for months. The conditions were hot and moist, she longed to feel the sea breeze finesse her feathers in the manner to which she had become accustomed. To shed her plumage cross the beach whilst draped on a camp, melodious arm. Oh how she ached for a shimmy and the whiff of her old friend Maisie Mascara. But she knew it would be a […]

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Hair Today – Gone Tomorrow!

Paul swiped away the decrepit hand at 6 ‘0 Clock and profered his nearest elbow towards the superannuated cheek at just past 9pm. This nifty manouourvre was needed in order to deflect another amorous octogenarian who had decided to lunge, lip first, towards his unmasked ‘eek. He needed no kissing. Not from any demographic. He wasn’t ageist! But nor was he a fan of Covid 19. In his opinion it wasn’t a patch on the Chanel version, yet it certainly possessed a heady perfume, and it’s silage was somewhat lingering […]

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Don’t Say A ‘Phrae’ For Me Now – It’s Too Late!

Paul and Andrew clambered into the mini-bus in Lampang to embark on a windy journey east. Windy being in the circuitous sense and not the flatulent. Thank Buddha! For mini was definitely what the van was. It had obviously been built for day-tripping Munchkins. Or perhaps the odd Oompah-Loompah. The antiquated jalopy had certainly not been constructed with any six foot ‘falang’* in mind. Along with the discomfort of the vehicle’s bijou interior, Paul was nursing a painful urinary infection, which had been diagnosed, thankfully, by a sweet young Thai […]

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Crossing The ‘Chanel’ or Up Yours!

Paul’s week had begun and ended in a rather similar fashion – most bizarrely. The first incident had occurred at a swanky party in Sotogrande, at which ‘The Lola Boys’ had been performing. It had been a roaring success apparently. The boys had been joined by ‘Burly Chassis,’ ‘Tina Turnoff,’ and ‘Amy Crackhouse’! It had been the first time Paul had clambered into a mini skirt and an overstuffed bra for quite a while. Secretly he found the whole dressing up thing a bit of a drag. He was getting […]

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The Old Man And The Sea!

Author’s note. The author apologises for a complete lack of photography in this blog. The reader will realise for themselves why this is the case. Paul had known in the pit of his stomach, that the idea of he and Andrew taking a sea kayak and paddling off for the famous ‘Emerald Cave’ on the edge of Thailand’s Andaman Sea could easily end in disaster. But as per usual he ignored the deep warning signs and instead set off onto the deep for a titanic moment on the high seas. The boys set off from the beach at an ungodly hour, Paul only hoped that there was some seafaring deity who had also risen early and would therefore be looking down or up at them. The sky was a hot slate of muted greys and the sea matched her sullen mood. After a short watch, it was as crystal clear as the Indian ocean, that the Gods had obviously had a very late night! The Boys were on their own. After the inaugural launch of the SS Lola, The Boys  initially paddled in manic circles attempting to work in tandem; their double act though far less successful offshore. They were sinking much faster than they ever did onstage. At least that took a good couple of hours Paul thought. He barked an order at Andrew to come to the right. Andrew misunderstood his nautical command and used the right oar […]

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Alarm Cocks!

Paul knew Andrew had always enjoyed cock in the early morning, but the noisy dawn chorus which now woke them for the fourth day in a row at 4.28 am was insufferable to them both. Andrew had often crowed irritatingly about being a ‘morning person’ but even these avian alarm cocks where too much for him! Some of the cocky birds began their wooing at just before midnight up on the Mekong, making it clear to Paul that their body clocks were completely out of cock. This rabble of roosters, […]

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Masticating In The Shower!

After having spent seven hours in a dust storm known as third class on Thai Railways we arrived in the northern city of Phitsanalouk. My body felt as if I’d done ‘Cats’ without a warm up. The show, not the animal, and believe me I know what it’s like to do that show without a warm up. Andrew was also struggling – which is a euphemism for he could hardly put one foot in front of the other.  But it had been an incredibly amiable journey. I often find one […]

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It’s A Real Goa!

Somewhat jaded after our month-long jaunt around majestic Rajasthan and four more ragged days spent in the arhythmic heart of New Dehli, we finally arrived in the tropical south of this giant country. Palm trees waved a breezy emerald welcome and the Arabian Sea lapped us up like an ocean of warm salty Chai. Not a Mediterranean Blue it’s true, more like the shade one’s jeans come back after they’ve been to the ubiquitous ‘Loundry’ here. An Indian Denim. Faded, yet oh so comfortable. The long journey here was less […]

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Delhi Belly!!!

New Delhi! India’s frenetic capital, can sometimes be hard to stomach. Especially when the jaded visitor is suffering from that most infamous of south asian complaints – ‘Delhi Belly’! If the forty degree smog and exhaust fumes fail to exhaust, the constant concern that a lavatory may be needed at the drop of, shall we say, a hat, certainly takes it’s toll. Despite sensibly taking plenty of liquid and dosing up with Imodium, I still have no respite. I long for my faeces to be in pieces! A little too […]

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