At last Paul and Andrew made it to the beach and the sun had finally made a visit to the milliners. The island on which they found themselves was as splendidly underdeveloped as Paul’s suntan. He now looked like the proverbial milk bottle – and dairy was quite unfashionable in Thailand. Not amongst the Thais of course, some of whom painted themselves daily with a strange powder in order to make themselves fairer. Paul desired the opposite effect, but laying beneath the sun was not really his thing. Besides which […]
Paul awoke groggily in the shabby, beige hotel room and for far too long remained in the nightmare he had been suffering. He was still trapped in Barcelona’s Sagrada Familia as it crumbled around him. Andrew looked on, dressed as a Cardinal, smiling devilishly, delighting in the masonry falling freely onto his parishioner. It was all terribly Catholic. Paul decided immediately to read no more Dan Brown! Although the author’s novels were admittedly page turning, their ideas could be head spinning when it came to getting any kip. Light reading […]
The five-hour ride through Laos was striking, but as the mini-van juddered and bounced along some of the worst roads he had ever ridden, Paul arrived in Vang Vien stricken! Admittedly, there had been a rest stop on route, when Andrew had smoked eight cigarettes and Paul had emitted eight pints of something brown from his gullet. He thought he had done rather well, as he had managed to hold back the vomit for at least an hour and a half on the bus, no mean feat, considering as there […]
Paul was out of cigarette papers and so lazily tore a couple of the dryer pages from ‘The Lonely Planet’ – they weren’t hard to find! He rolled a herbal cigar and lay back in the boys’ shabby bedroom . A wonderfully tawdry chamber. Lime green cornicing skirted the ceiling and faded lemon plaster soured the walls. A mouldy wash basin and a pea-green en-suite one wished wasn’t there completed the design. T’was full of Indochine class and Laotian filth! He and Andrew loved it. So much so that the UNESCO World Heritage […]
After a stormy start to their travels, Paul and Andrew had now made their way down the eastern coast of Thailand for a ray of sunshine or two. They had arrived at the small seaside town of Prachuap Khiri Khan, just a few miles from the Burmese border, sun cream in hand and sandals on foot. Unfortunately the famous south-west monsoon had other ideas. Unlike Paul, her climactic tears were not yet over and she sobbed incessantly. The sun had got it’s mac on and it wasn’t out to play. […]
One of Paul’s favourite films had always been ‘Who’s Afraid Of Virginia Woolf’, starring the inimitable Elizabeth Taylor and her then husband Richard Burton. Paul had no idea that years after seeing that masterpiece he and his husband would be giving a frighteningly similar ‘tour de force’ on a shabby Bangkok rooftop at midnight. Unfortunately there were no ‘Oscars’ awarded for this performance. Which was probably quite a good thing, as Paul had held one once, and knew the things to be rather heavy. It could easily have been […]
After a particularly harrowing ‘long-maul’ flight on ‘Swiss Air’ via Zurich, Paul arrived in Bangkok wanting to burn every shitty Cuckoo Clock in the world. Slit cute little ‘Heidi’s’ throat, using a Swiss Army Knife of course, and then kick her into a boiling pot of Fondue.