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Day 1. At Sea.

Andrew woke before the rest of the family and made his way towards the gym via the smoking deck and the coffee machine. By the time the rest of the gang met up with him he was higher than Daniella Westbrook on a night in! The rest of them were lagging behind somewhat – Paul was most definitely not yet on ship’s time. His mother was in a slight daze. Tina had yet to cast off the flight and Bill’s brilliant brain, which had won him a top notch maths […]

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The Lola Boys Go Cruising!

The Lola Boys set sail on the titanic ‘Britannia’, P & O’s impressive flagship, shortly after arriving back from a marathon trip to the Far East. They had managed five flights in eight days – two of them ‘long maul’! A feat, Paul imagined, which would tax even the toughest of trolley-dollies. And he’d met a few hard ones in his time! Even he and Andrew would normally avoid such a full on itinerary, yet there was a special reason to head to the far west. It was Paul’s mum’s […]

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Drum Roll Please – The Island!

At last Paul and Andrew made it to the beach and the sun had finally made a visit to the milliners.  The island on which they found themselves was as splendidly underdeveloped as Paul’s suntan. He now looked like the proverbial milk bottle – and dairy was quite unfashionable in Thailand.  Not amongst the Thais of course, some of whom painted themselves daily with a strange powder in order to make themselves fairer. Paul desired the opposite effect, but laying beneath the sun was not really his thing. Besides which […]

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What A Nerve! Say Aghhhhhh!

Paul awoke groggily in the shabby, beige hotel room and for far too long remained in the nightmare he had been suffering. He was still trapped in Barcelona’s Sagrada Familia as it crumbled around him. Andrew looked on, dressed as a Cardinal, smiling devilishly, delighting in the masonry falling freely onto his parishioner. It was all terribly Catholic. Paul decided immediately to read no more Dan Brown! Although the author’s novels were admittedly page turning, their ideas could be head spinning when it came to getting any kip. Light reading […]

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The Catfish And The Con Man !!!

Paul said goodbye to Laos’s deliciously debauched capital of Vientiane, and headed back to Thailand for some debauchery of his own. He and Andrew were heading to a small lesser known island on the border with Burma, hoping that, finally The Indian Ocean would provide them with some sunshine. They had so far seen precious little of the yellow stuff during their latest Far Eastern sojourn, so had had to make up with a little more of the amber stuff! Life was certainly a beach without it!  They had made […]

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Doing The Hippy Gippy Shake!

The five-hour ride through Laos was striking, but as the mini-van juddered and bounced along some of the worst roads he had ever ridden, Paul arrived in Vang Vien stricken!  Admittedly, there had been a rest stop on route, when Andrew had smoked eight cigarettes and Paul had emitted eight pints of something brown from his gullet. He thought he had done rather well, as he had managed to hold back the vomit for at least an hour and a half on the bus, no mean feat, considering as there […]

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Not Leaving Luang Prabang!

Paul was out of cigarette papers and so lazily tore a couple of the dryer pages from ‘The Lonely Planet’ – they weren’t hard to find! He rolled a herbal cigar and lay back in the boys’ shabby bedroom . A wonderfully tawdry chamber. Lime green cornicing skirted  the ceiling and faded lemon plaster soured the walls. A mouldy wash basin and a pea-green en-suite one wished wasn’t there completed the design. T’was full of Indochine class and Laotian filth! He and Andrew loved it. So much so that the UNESCO World Heritage […]

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