Two Pricks In Brighton!

Paul was still waiting to be pricked for a second time, not a situation he found himself in that often, but he knew until the pop up vaccination unit came again he was not safe. Not entirely. The damned ‘Delta’ variant had truly burst it’s banks and in Brighton there was a veritable flood of infections incurring. He did not want to be paranoid, yet he also wanted to start working again as soon as possible. It had been a year and a half now since the damned virus had […]

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Ferry Cross The Biscay

The infamous Bay Of Biscay, which was so often a turbulent grey soup, turned out to be a placid  aquamarine mill pond. As blue as the Carribean sea and with an air temperature to match.  On deck of the Brittany ferry Galicia, Paul  looked towards the picturesque and ever diminishing port of Santander and wiped away a maudlin tear.  He blamed it on the cheap lager, but he knew deep down that he was just very bad at Adios. Goodbyes to him had never come easy. It was an over […]

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The Second Coming!

Paul sat in the verdant garden of an old Cantabrian house which had obviously been transformed into a knocking shop for middle ranking coppers and dodgy MPs. As he watched Andrew smoke a cigarette he took a long, deep breath.   In.  Pause.  And then out.  Just as he’d read how to do in the countless self-help books he’d read and re-read over countless unhelpful years.  It made absolutely no difference. He was still pissed off after being snubbed by a couple in white linen, quite obviously unmarried, who had both sneered at his apparel whilst conducting an insidious affair over a bowl of green olives. They’d not even given him a nod as he bade them Buenos Tardes, both far too busy betraying their kids and their partners and whispering their sweet somethings.  Nothing! Not even a slight smile. Paul didn’t care.  Much!  After all, he had  just driven nearly halfway across Spain, lost he and Andrew’s passports,(allegedly!), driven back the other way, sorted the emergency travel documents which were now needed and then raced back across The Iberian Peninsula.  Carmen and Carlos conducting their sordid little liaison behind a Mimosa, minus manners, were certainly not going to prove the proverbial last straw that broke his donkey’s back. Paul was far too determined to get back to Blighty without any more hitches – so any rudeness from some unhitched blighters was easy to ignore. Besides, he and Andrew’s journey […]

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A Spring Nativity!

You’ve still got the passports haven’t you?’ Andrew asked Paul, who was currently pushing their twenty year old Ford Focus to breaking point on the A66 somewhere in the middle of Extramadura; somewhere in the middle of Spain. ‘You had them last’ Paul retorted brusquely, already pissed off he’d done all the driving for the last ten hours! ‘I gave them to you at the last place – when you went into that hotel’ said Andrew. ‘I’m sure you didn’t’ answered Paul, taking one hand unwisely away from the steering […]

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Spexit Stage Right.

It was a year to the day since The Lola Boys had last performed. In showbiz terms that is. Paul and Andrew had not sung in public since they had been marooned in their macaroon-pink house in the Philippines. On that occasion they had managed to pick up a dodgy internet connection and let rip online with an ad hoc mix of rum and Lola. Costumes they had thrown together, then thrown on, had to suffice, and Andrew’s mini watercolour set supplied the makeup! A disastrous decision given the crematorium […]

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Barbra The Boa And Other Tales Of Covid.

It had been months since Barbra the boa had last enjoyed a night out. In fact she hadn’t been given an airing from her carrier bag for months. The conditions were hot and moist, she longed to feel the sea breeze finesse her feathers in the manner to which she had become accustomed. To shed her plumage cross the beach whilst draped on a camp, melodious arm. Oh how she ached for a shimmy and the whiff of her old friend Maisie Mascara. But she knew it would be a […]

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Hair Today – Gone Tomorrow!

Paul swiped away the decrepit hand at 6 ‘0 Clock and profered his nearest elbow towards the superannuated cheek at just past 9pm. This nifty manouourvre was needed in order to deflect another amorous octogenarian who had decided to lunge, lip first, towards his unmasked ‘eek. He needed no kissing. Not from any demographic. He wasn’t ageist! But nor was he a fan of Covid 19. In his opinion it wasn’t a patch on the Chanel version, yet it certainly possessed a heady perfume, and it’s silage was somewhat lingering […]

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The Show Must Go On !

The Lola Boys had quite often played to a spaced out crowd. But by any measure, that was usually down to the Spanish kind, measures that is, not for lack of an audience. Now with social distancing looking to be the norm into the near distance, anybody sitting too near a distance was a no no! Also any performers treading the boards had to do so at least two metres apart. What a bloody performance! Paul was worried it could be the end of theatre as they knew it. He […]

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I Have Always Depended On The Kindness Of Strangers!

‘I have always depended on the kindness of strangers’ is the heroine’s famous final line of the Tennessee Williams classic , ‘A Streetcar Named Desire.’ Blanche Dubois speaks it to the doctor who gently takes her arm to cart her off to the loony bin in the play’s tragic denouement. Her freedom taken from her – Blanche is forced into lockdown. Much like Paul and Andrew and the rest of the world had been recently.  Like poor Blanche control had been snatched from them, unlike Blanche they hadn’t yet gone […]

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Brighton Doesn’t Rock!

Paul gazed along the deserted promenade on Brighton seafront. There were a few sun worshippers pebbled along the beach praying metres apart to their god of choice, who repaid his loyal congregation’s faith with a show of pure brilliance. The sky was a cornflower blue and the light breeze barely perceptible. Paul had rarely visited England’s south coast under such perfect weather conditions. In normal times the place would have been crowded with day trippers and those just tripping. Awash with paddle boarders or those simply paddling. Beach lovers decked […]

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